Back in the US, Back in the US, Back in the US of A

Ok, so despite travelling to see a giant sea turtle lay its eggs on the beach, to one of the most remote and beautiful national parks with friends, and climbing the tallest mountain in Central America (which happened to be equipped with high speed internet, of all things), I completely failed to write a blog during our last few crazy and fun months in Costa Rica. Sometimes I suck at life.

I call them crazy and fun because on the whole they really were both. Newish arrivals from the States bumped up the partying, if not in volume then at least in quality. Ironically, I began to feel like a lot less of an alcoholic during the stretch run of our time in CR. I exercised less, probably drank as hard or harder - but significantly less often - and generally took pretty crappy care of myself. But travelling around was great and although my teaching schedule was brutal, I settled into a groove and ended on a high note. The big reward of slugging out 6 months with a borderline schizophrenic class that one day loved me and wanted to talk about feelings and opinions and funny differences between Costa Rica and the US and 48 hours later threw books at walls and the floor in violent, adult reenactments of 6-year-old era temper tantrums? A genuinely enjoyable little breakfast party with honest and laid-back conversation mixed between English and Spanish, talking about our futures, wishing each other the best of luck, and hell, I even got some presents out of the deal! Wow. Sally Field moment - "They like me, they really like me!"

On the downside, we maybe didn't get to say sentimental, sappy goodbyes to as many of our students as we would have liked. I flaked on dinner with my Griffith students, we threw a party not many of our students came to, and [important factor #3] Ticos are Ticos aka maybe the flakiest people on the planet. All in all, though, you have to feel like 7 and a half months doesn't require a spiritual level of closure. Maybe just getting drunk on 40s in beer cozies one night is enough. Or 2 nights. Much better.

So, regarding the present and the future... Megan and I got home safe and sound last night. Nothing of note to write about the plane flights except that it turns out that I am incredibly good at finishing in 2nd place in In-Flight Trivia. Oh, and headed into the 2nd to last question of the round in first place, the plane landed and they shut off the trivia. No glory for me. No sireeee. We're at my parents' house in PV now and mostly I'm basking in the wonder that is flushing my used toilet paper instead of making that NorCal Theez face (I have no clue how it's spelled or if that's the real phrase. I'm in over my head here with this reference) and depositing it in the trash can. Also, the food has been absolutely amazing. I don't want to sleep, I don't want to talk to people, other than trips to the bathroom I pretty much just want to eat stuff. I'm eating right now. Six different types of cookies, milk that tastes like milk instead of liquid-buttery-cheese-stuff that is unrefrigerated, and baby pig meat. My keyboard keys are glistening as I type. Actually none of this is true and before long I'll miss the fantastic fruit selection and Gallo Pinto of Mesoamerica, but for now I'm thrilled by my overall culinary upgrade. So are my taste buds, but my stomach walls are pissed. They're already stretched out to something like 9 1/2 times their maximum size in Costa Rica. Oh well, I'll go for a walk/waddle one of these days.

In the next few days I'll have sufficiently cleaned and organized my crap so that I can help the lagging Megan do the same, then we'll pack up my car and drive to Northern California. When, around Fresno, we have refill the tank, we will then ditch the fuel-less car and hitchhike with as much stuff as we can carry the rest of the way. I'll come back down and get my car when I get my student loan at the end of August. Good plan, eh?

Actually, we're planning on driving up probably either this weekend or on Monday, straight to Megan's parents house in Newark. This will begin Operation Victory Lap, during which we will try to parlay cheap gifts from Costa Rica into warm hospitality, which could be sincere or faked, it really doesn't matter one way or the other to us, and free drinks. Next stop on OVL is Davis, where literally couples of people (that is one step down from dozens, right?) will be relatively overjoyed to see us. After we will have recognized that these "starving students" have just enough money to get themselves drunk but can't/won't pitch in on our bar tabs, we will then move on to wear out our welcome at Mark and Erin's house in West Sacramento. This shouldn't be too difficult; I have practice at this in general and also specifically at Mark and Erin's. Once, while housesitting, I ate all their microwave popcorn - which was a feat in and of itself since upon my arrival they possessed 3 1/2 Costco packs of it - and proceeded to clog the toilet. I called Mark, who was driving home that very minute from the airport.

Me: "Uh, hey Mark, you know, uh, that bathroom you guys have downstairs?"
Mark: "Yeah, of course. Dave, what's up?"
Me: "You guys, uh, don't have to use it very much, right? I mean your bedroom's upstairs, and so's the office, so it's not like you're goin into the downstairs pisser on a daily basis, right?"
Mark: "Well, the TV's down there, and so's the kitche... Dave, just tell me what's goin on."
Me: "I'm just saying, the bathroom upstairs is prettier. Nice atmosphere. Smells good."
Mark: "Dave, seriously. What's up with the downstairs bathroom? Did Lox get in and crap in there instead of the litterbox? Again?"
Me: [seeing an out] "Yeah! Yeah, that's exactly what happened! I told you that cat's bad news. Bad fucking news, man. Gotta watch out for that cat."
Mark: "Alright, just clean it up. Sorry it happened. One of the job hazards I suppose."
Me: [seeing that my Macho move of blaming the cat has already run out of steam] "Uh, so actually what happened is that I, uh, had an adverse reaction to some of the food you guys left behind and clogged your toilet."
Mark: [crushing silence for a couple of moments] "That sucks. Happens to the best of us. Except that it doesn't happen to most of us, it just happens to you an unbelievable number of times. So get a plunger and fix it."
Me: [already regretting this housesitting gig. At 512 F Street I could always just tell Josh it was Scott Mallery and based on his track record he'd take the fall] "Uh, you guys don't have a plunger."
Mark: "There's a Target down the street. You've been there, I dunno, like 50 times to play the first level of video games for free. Go pick up a plunger and fix the toilet and if it doesn't work we'll call a plumber."
Me: [so cheap that I'm trying to evade having to pay for a plunger I will never be able to call my own] "I think it's a Jewish holiday today and Target's closed. Maybe your neighbors have one? Ken and Barb from Wisconsin aren't Jewish, are they?"
Mark: "Go get the plunger Dave. Then stick it in the toilet, pump it a few times, and flush again. It's not rocket science. How smart did you say you were, again?"
Me: [last ditch attempt] "Mark, I gotta be honest. I'm not gonna lie. I did not clog your toilet. Megan did. And Lox did too. Megan went #2 in there and then tried to flush Lox down with her creation. It's a mess in there. State of Emergency. Get Arnold to call in the National Guard. Sandbags. Gun turrets. It's like a jung..."
Mark: "Dave - B-U-Y A P-L-U-N-G-E-R. It's 7:13 right now. Target's open till 10. You cannot possibly stall that long. Fix your mess. Stop trying to blame the most constipated person on the planet and a cat. Grow a pair."
Me: thirty-eight seconds of whimpering, small sniffles, no sobbing... ok, a little sobbing
Mark: "I'm going to hang up now, Dave."

Note that I took some liberties with the telling of that (more or less) true story. End result - that, combined with a nearly 5 week self-invited stay while we saved up for Costa Rica and finished our online TEFL training, means that the mere fact that we can set foot in West Sac without getting shot in a turf war by mercenaries Mark hired to keep us the hell away shows that they are plenty patient with our visiting. Almost saintly. So, we'll come traipsing along again and procrastinate there for as long as possible, which appears to be a pretty healthy holding pattern for us.

Eventually, Megan's going to have interviews for positions at zoos, aquariums, and animal parks in the Bay Area. I'm going to try to do little tutoring and/or translation gigs while hunting for apartments in SF and taking care of law school paperwork. Probably as soon as I realize how insanely expensive living in San Francisco really is, I will embark on my own Eagle Scout Project #2 and begin building myself a treehouse in Russ and Laurie's backyard. Hopefully for everyone involved, though, I will have found an apartment by August 22nd, when my school's orientation starts.

I am thrilled to be going to Hastings and am really excited for school to start. I have no idea if I have what it takes or if I'm going to be reeling just a few weeks into it, but after years of pretty aimless studying, I think it will be rewarding to focus intensely on a very practical and challenging topic. Also, as I explained, drunk in a mall food court at 3 in the afternoon, to Labat, I have a chip on my shoulder and expect to harness that petulant little boy anger towards the noble goal of getting good grades. Then I'll fall back into complacenc... wait a second, no I won't. I'll keep kicking ass and taking names. Well, don't hedge your bets. We'll see. I hope to survive, pass, and maybe even get decent grades.

So, if you were unlucky/bored enough to read this whole damn thing, maybe you care enough about me to get in touch. Please do! Just don't speak Spanish to me, because I will hunt you down, cut out your spleen, and feed it to Rudford Wellsley, my pet Coatimundi I snuck through customs. Oh, and "Surprise!" I came back from CR and don't have a cell phone anymore. Growing up is so nice. So send me an email or even a ridiculous Facebook message and I'll fit you into my busy (scoff!) schedule. Maybe I'll find the inner strength to download pictures off my camera and put them on the computer, possibly even write some about our trips around CR. But it's late so bye for now.